


Not!Fic: Schroedinger's (Derek's) Penis

by Socchan



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Not!Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2013-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-05 03:19:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1088985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Socchan/pseuds/Socchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek's penis exists as both above and below average in size until it is observed. Not!Fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not!Fic: Schroedinger's (Derek's) Penis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lielabell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lielabell/gifts).
  * Inspired by [If My Hand Doth Offend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/999371) by [lielabell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lielabell/pseuds/lielabell). 



Once upon a time, lielabell wrote and posted the first chapter and detailed remaining summary of a fic called [If My Hand Doth Offend](http://archiveofourown.org/works/999371/chapters/1978694), which will never be finished ever, no really, NEVER, content yourself with the summary of events posted as following chapters. And in that fic there was a line about Derek in which the tabloids and/or his former partners said he had "a body like a Greek God and a cock to match".

And in the comments [I was like](http://archiveofourown.org/comments/4758151), "...Shit, plot bunny."

And Lielabell was like, "YOU SHOULD WRITE THAT PLOT BUNNY, LOVE."

And I was like:

"You realize it would be, like, 90% Stiles trying to figure out whether Derek has a large or small penis, right? Because he's taking a Classics course with this guy who hooked up with Derek once, and who made the Greek God Cock comparison in front of Stiles, and mentally Stiles is all, "Wait, does that mean he has a big dick or a small dick? Because I'm pretty sure I read/heard somewhere that the Greeks liked 'em smaller*, and Greek gods would obviously be pinnacle examples of biology in all respects. Did [classmate] mean it that way, or was he going for a more general current-day-assumptions way?"

"Except for whatever reason (bad timing/not comfortable) he doesn't get to/can't ask for clarification, so most of the rest of the fic is dedicated to Stiles trying to figure out what size Derek's penis is through a bunch of terrible stereotypes and bad logic. Also he would be trying to figure out whether either way would be a deal breaker for him, because all this thinking about Derek's penis is making him realize that he might actually be interested in sleeping with Derek on the regular, possibly with other couple-y benefits as well. (He explores this through detailed fantasies with both options. He discovers that it's really not a problem either way.)

"Throughout everything, his behavior is really weirding everyone out. Eventually things come to a head and [Stiles] finds out [what size Derek's dick is] in person. (Possibly it fades to black before we find out one way or another, possibly Derek is almost exactly average size (but maybe can do godlike things with it!).) The end.

"[...]Another fun possibility: We just got that whole schpeal in canon about how werewolves were maybe created by Greek gods or titans or whatever (I honestly don't remember). Maybe one of them is still around and decides that Derek has had a shitty enough life, so to make up for it they make Derek's penis literally Godlike?"

(* I did not actually say, "If Stiles is misinformed it is only because _I_ am misinformed, and I could easily see the two of us being similarly misinformed." But that is something that needs to be said. I could be wrong about the ancient Greeks' preferences! If I am, it is equally plausible that Stiles would be wrong about the same thing, IMO. [/disclaimer])

And then there was a teensy bit of back-and-forth, and since I am incredibly unlikely to write either option as _actual_ fic, lielabell basically enabled me to post it as not!fic, leaving us here.

If anyone _is_ interested in writing either (or both!) of these ideas as an actual full-fledged fic, you have my enthusiastic blessing. In fact, I would be willing to [donate money to charity](http://fandomaid.livejournal.com/61102.html?thread=1717934#t1717934) in exchange for such work! (Offer not necessarily limited to Typhoon Haiyan relief.) If not, though, at least I am not alone in having this idea swimming through my brain. I hope this brings you as much joy as it has the two of us.


End file.
